09/19/09: Your Horoscope

Born today, you are endowed with a wide variety of gifts and talents. Already winning over hospital staff and passers-by, you are destined to charm your way through life using an easy smile and alluring charisma, which will be especially effective on lady-folk. You will sleep soundly, rarely cry, and learn to read Shakespeare by age 3, although you'll prefer Vonnegut. While your musical and athletic abilities will open up many avenues for excellence, your knack for difficult trigonometric equations will lead to the development of a groundbreaking theorem (age 8) and subsequent energy-producing formula (age 9) that will change human existence as we know it for the better. Having earned billions in revenue, you will support your parents' early retirement, world travels, and wacky projects, while you become a well-known philanthropist and entertainer. You will make things better for those around you, and will never be the subject of unreasonable expectations from your parents.

(More pictures here)